Searching

 I love doing genealogy research.  Looking back into my family, trying to remember those stories I heard with only one ear listening as my mother and her siblings talked sounds as though it might be frustrating, but truly is fun for me.

  My biggest difficulty is finding one 3rd great grandfather.  I know that Needham Bowen (1812-1870) of Telfair Co Ga is my 2nd great grandfather.  But there is a question as to who was his father.  I believe it was Edward Bowen who moved from Duplin NC sometime after the  1820 census.  He is found in 1830 in Telfair County, GA. 

   On ancestry there is a group who believe a different person was the father.  To me most of the evidence points to Edward, but I do not have anything that tells me for sure that I am correct since family names are repeated over and over.  I have searched and search still, but cannot find my answer.   One day I will look in the right place and my question will be answered.

 My mother kept good records.  I knew she did lots of research.  Unfortunately for me, she went no further back than Needham.  How I wish I had realized this while she were still here for me to ask.  But most of us who search have this dilemma. 

On another subject, I attended a retreat recently at Laity Lodge in Texas.  In one session we were introduced to drawing our prayers.  Sometimes when bringing someone before God we find that our mind wanders.  For me in meetings I always doodle.  Drawing prayers is much like that.  It is taking our hearts and the things that make it heavy before God and as we pray we doodle.  By allowing our hands to doodle, our minds more easily focus on God and the person or subject we are talking with Him about.  Try it sometime soon.  For me I thought it would be impossible, that it was silly, and, at first, it did feel a bit stilted.  Soon though I found myself completely engaged with both my doodle/drawing and my conversation with my Father God.

Psalm 1:2-3 (MSG) 
Instead you thrill to God's Word, you chew on Scripture day and night.
You're a tree replanted in Eden, bearing fresh fruit every month,
Never dropping a leaf, always in blossom.

I like the way the Message translates meditate in this scripture.  Meditate was described to me once when I was a teenager as thinking on a portion of God's Word in the same way a cow chews its cud.   It chews the grass slowly and  over a long period of time.   I am finding that in the same way that I can use my doodling to assist me in praying, I can use it to meditate upon a scripture.  Joshua 1:9 tells us " for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success."  The first "then" is referring to verses 7 & 8 where the instruction is to meditate on the Law.

In a way it is the same as searching for something in family history.  It is a problem and you think about the possibilities.  I go over it and over it, looking for some little clue.  That's another way to think about meditating on God's Word.  You go over it and over it, looking for ways to apply it to your life, looking for an answer or marveling at the goodness of God.

Thinking..

I have had a day of thinking.  Not many of those, but occasionally and so many thoughts are running around.

First, I need to draw nearer to God.  I guess we all do, but today I am acknowledging that I feel a thirst to be closer to Him who is all things to me.  I want to spend more time reading the Bible and listening to what God is saying to me.

Second, people who have recently lost a child are in my thoughts.  I had a daughter die in 2008; I have known the pain.  I pray for them to find solace in God and in Him alone.  We all try to fill our needs with answers from life, but the one answer to our needs is God.  Had I been able to turn to God's word and hear it in my heart, my months of such deep sorrowing could have been shortened.  Father, help me to be faithful in sharing your scriptures of help and hope with others. 

Third,  I need to be a stronger person.  I want to be able to speak to and for what I believe.  I want to be able to explain my thoughts and feelings without being bashful or shy.  I have a right to my ideas, my desires, and my dreams. 

Fourth, I pray for Israel and the troubles she faces from her neighbors.  Give her strength dear God and keep Israel safe.  Help American remain a faithful friend. 

Fifth, people, I am concerned for America's future.  We are facing an election with a nation that seems so divided.   As I look at the sides this year I see things differently than in the last election.  Obama talked of hope but I only see lies, indifference and a disregard for what our forefathers lived and fought for during their lifetimes.  I so want American politicians to speak the truth.  I know I can no longer vote by party, I must listen to the candidate and reason. 

Last and final for tonight, I want to be a good grandmother.  I love my grand kids and enjoy them, but I also want to be wise in the things I say to them and in the ways I love them.  I want my grandsons to be Godly men and to grow up knowing how to rely on the wisdom of God and how it applies to their lives in this world.  Father God, bless their family, their mom and dad.  Let them experience family the way you want them to learn what family means to you.

"You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance." (Psalm 32:7)

Dear Father,
    As I lay my head down tonight to sleep, I rest in you.  You protect me and surround me with songs.  Sing over me tonight, dear Father.  I commit to your keeping the thoughts I have pondered on today.  Show me how to best live a life that is pleasing to you. Bless our pastors and our places of worship.  Thank you. Amen

Mother's Day musings

All ye who hope in the Lord, be ye encouraged; and let your heart be strengthened.  Psalm 31:24

This year my holiday seemed hollow.  Sure my chicks have left the nest, but that happened several years earlier.  I received my obligatory phone call and chat which I enjoyed.  But still I remained out of sorts throughout the day. 

Midmorning I decided I would lie in the hammock, soak up some sun and straighten up my altitude.  I grab the side of the hammock to flip it to empty the leaves that were there.  As I did there was instant pain that would not stop.  I didn't see any insect, but something sure gave me a sting.  There was some swelling, but not much.  Just pain and a very visible hole in my finger.  Oh well, I didn't actually want to lie in the hammock anyway!  

I made lunch which we had at our picnic table.  The air was just perfect.  A breeze, not too hot, and not too chill.  Finally I decided to curl up in bed with a book and read.  Just thought I would zone out.  I am still frustrated because I am normally "up" for Mother's Day, full of excitement.  Today, just blah.

Later that evening, a friend called to see how I was doing.  I didn't understand why she thought I might not be okay.  (Yes, sometimes, I am truly dense.)  "Why wouldn't I be?" I ask. 

"Well, you know, uh,  with your daughter's death."  Oh!  yes.  Of course.  Now I completely understand my day.  Since my baby girl died in '08 I have purposely planned and schemed to keep myself up and busy on this day of the year.  I am doing better now.  The depression has mostly lifted. So much so that I let Mother's Day creep into my life without preparing my heart or mind.  Even without thinking, my heart was mourning. 

When God created us, he made an amazing life capable of deep joy and sorrow.  Fortunately most days are not the high highs or low lows.  But the loss of a loved one stays with us.  Today I felt truly my heart, my frustration and my loss.  My first feeling Mother's Day since she passed from this life to everlasting life.  

This was my first Mother's Day to mourn my loss of her on this day.  She was so thoughtful.  In her years with me, she has gardened which she hated, but did with me and for me.  One year we stripped wallpaper and put up new on her suggestion.  A project I had been putting off, but so enjoyed with her.  Yes, I miss you today dear child.  I look forward to being with you on the other side one day. 

Spring

Spring.  Oh so refreshing to my soul! 

The rebirth of the garden, the green, the growing and mowing.  I love spring as do most.   It is a new beginning.  I've been working in the garden, tidying up the beds that line the front of our house.  In back I've planted a few veggies, cucumber in my big flower pot to watch it cascade down the side.  And I made a new 3 ft square bed in which I've planted radishes, carrots, lettuce and cantaloupe.  In pots I have tomatoes, Swiss chard, peas, cress, rosemary and basil.  The extent of my gardening is usually tomatoes.  So all the others are a new adventure for me this year. 

My grandson came through his brain surgery and is doing very well.  They all came to visit this weekend.  There is nothing better than happy children's voices, laughter, good food and family.

I have been working on our family history and it is coming along very nicely.  I love ancestry.com!  I even found a third cousin once removed and have been regularly emailing and getting to know her.  We grew up in the same town.  But as far as I can remember our families didn't interact.  All the family I remember visiting are my parents brothers and sisters. 

Ancestry.com is making the 1940 census access free until the end of the year.  So if you are not a member you can still check out family ties.  One of the questions on the 1940 census is how many weeks did you work in 1939?  My grandfather worked 32 weeks delivering for a cleaners. My dad worked 40 weeks as a cab driver.  Interesting things I didn't know about either one of them. 

Psalm 18:33
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he causes me to stand on the heights.

Psalm 101:1-8
[ A David Psalm ] My theme song is God's love and justice, and I'm singing it right to you, God. I'm finding my way down the road of right living, but how long before you show up? I'm doing the very best I can, and I'm doing it at home, where it counts. I refuse to take a second look at corrupting people and degrading things. I reject made-in-Canaan gods, stay clear of contamination. The crooked in heart keep their distance; I refuse to shake hands with those who plan evil. I put a gag on the gossip who bad-mouths his neighbor; I can't stand arrogance. But I have my eye on salt-of-the-earth people— they're the ones I want working with me; Men and women on the straight and narrow— these are the ones I want at my side. But no one who traffics in lies gets a job with me; I have no patience with liars. I've rounded up all the wicked like cattle and herded them right out of the country. I purged God's city of all who make a business of evil. [ A Prayer of One Whose Life Is Falling to Pieces, ] and Who Lets God Know Just How Bad It Is

This is taken from The Message.  I have been reading from The Message at BibleGateway.com since going to a funeral a few weeks ago where that translation was used by the minister at the family's request.  The scriptures He used were fammiliar but sounded so different in this translation.  Tonight I did a topical search for scriptures pertaining to God's love. 

David in Psalm 101 stopped me in my tracks.  The last line made me laugh out loud.  I am not feeling that way tonight, but, oh, how many times I have.  I know God loves to have us come to Him and just tell Him how we see our lives.  David's view:  A Prayer of One Whose Life Is Falling to Pieces,  and Who Lets God Know Just How Bad It Is.

The key here is after getting it off our chest, so to speak, we then need to listen to God.  After hearing from God and seeing our lives through His eyes, our perception changes. 

That book I just finished, Love Amid the Ashes by Mesu Andrews still rings true in my heart.  There was a difference between Job's view of his life and God's view.  We can rest when we have God's view. 

Father God, Give me eyes to see my world the way You see.  Give me eyes to see the people in my life with the love that You see them.  Amen

Genuineness I Peter 1: 6-7

⁶ In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. ⁷ These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.  I PETER 1: 6-7

In today's world gold is very valuable, and gaining every day.  In the spiritual world Faith is very valuable and we want our faith to grow every day.  Gold is a metal that doesn't wear out, doesn't stop shining, and that can be refined to be pure.  Even mixed with other substances, gold continues to shine, but when heat is applied the other "stuff" comes to the surface and can be removed. 
   While as Christians we know true joy in our hearts, we do face problems every day.  We suffer and grieve.  Life doesn't go the way we want it to go.  There are obstacles every way we look some days.  We don't understand what is happening and certainly don't know why.  But Peter gives us some insight and instruction. 
    We won't truly understand until we are with Jesus, but we can trust that one day we will see very clearly.   In verse 7 we learn that the refining of the faith like the refining of gold purifies.  So the heat we feel on our feet will reap benefits of a purified faith in the Father.
    Once we turn our eyes to Jesus and hear His sweet name on our lips, "Jesus."  Nothing else matters.  Our heart knows and loves our Maker.  "Jesus."  In the worse of times whisper this sweet name that is above all other names, "Jesus."

      My husband was talking with our daughter yesterday about how she is doing in the midst of this health issue with our grandson.  She said it's so sad.  A parent's heart is heavy for the burden her child must bear. 

    I think about how God must feel when He is looking at a sin-filled world marching toward their evil plans ignoring their Creator and all the good He has designed for them.  And Jesus as he overlooked Jerusalem, wanting to gather them to himself.

 Matthew 23:37
O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!

  That's a picture I can really understand for my parents raised a few chickens on our land in Georgia.  Each spring there would be 3-6 hens that would raise a brood of chicks.  My mother would always go and check the little newborn chicks to be sure they had lost what she called their "milk tooth."  It was a little extra hard point on the end of their beak she said they used to crack open the eggs from the inside out.  Occasionally it didn't fall off naturally and would inhibit the chicks from eating.  The mother hens would begin calling their chicks when we approached.  By the time we knelt before the nest all one could see would be a hen.  Every chick was completely hidden from view beneath the wings.  Such a beautiful picture of how God loves us!

  Father, Today let us feel secure beneath your wings.  We lay our burdens down.  You control our future and our today.  Our here and our now.  Our there and our tomorrows.  Thank you.

I need the Lord

Today I need the Lord.  Of course, I do always, but today is special...  Special because we will be telling our turning-seven years old-tomorrow Grandson that he needs brain surgery for a 2 inch cyst in his brain.  That surgery is scheduled for March 19.  Join us in praying for his peace, health and wholeness.
Today I walk in an acute awareness of my need for the Lord.  How is your day?

Malachi 4:2  And to those of you who fear my name/And to those who revere my name, the Sun of righteousness shall rise, with healing in his wings; and ye shall go out, and shall leap, like a calf of the herd.

Suffering Endured Rom. 5:3-5

God's response to our endured suffering is a change in our character. 

Romans 5:3-5
3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;
4 perseverance, character; and character, hope.
5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. 

   In other words, difficult times build patience, and patience builds experience, and experience builds our faith in Christ's ability to deliver us.

  The "hope" of Romans 5:5 "elpis" means confident expectation.  We can confidently expect God's love to be poured into our hearts and onto our lives.

Deliver Me Psalm 91:1-3

From New Century version Psalm 91:1-3
1 Those who go to God Most High for safety
      will be protected by the Almighty.
2 I will say to the Lord, "You are my place of safety and protection. 
      You are my God and I trust You.
3 God will save you from hidden traps and deadly diseases.

   In verse 3 the word save is more frequently translated as deliver.  The root meaning indicates the connotation to defend, to extricate, to snatch away, to pluck out and to take away.  This paints a beautiful picture in my mind's eye; Jesus coming...

• plucking me from the net of reason in which I have become entangled
• lifting me from the secret deep and hidden hole in which I am trapped
• breaking the chains with which I am bound, those boundages passed from one generation to the next

He comes to my aid and answers my prayer, "Help!"   I know everyone's picture is a bit different.  What you want to be saved from is different than mine, no worse, no better, just different.